Noise Pollution!

1 Noise Pollution Rating = Absolute Bollocks!!!
2 Noise Pollution Rating = Not Quite Lame But Getting There
3 Noise Pollution Rating = Could Do Better
4 Noise Pollution Rating = An Excellent Offering
5 Noise Pollution Rating = Buy It Now!!

The album begins on a bit of a misleading note, with a slow, classical intro, but then begins the descent to redemption with some ass kicking guitar and a harmonic-screamo vocal combination.

The deep bass lines give this album oodles of merit, but each track is nothing outstanding or different – Iron Maiden-esque guitar solos, and chords/beats you can hear on most tracks these days.  I will give praise where praise is due – the guitar work has precision, and I rate the drummer highly, particularly on ‘Last Day’.

However – the tracks seem a little short, and Goddass don’t really bring anything to the table that sets them apart from other bands in this genre – and I listen to a lot of these !

The tracks on ‘My Beautiful Sin’ have little variation – worth a listen, but maybe only the once.

BIRDEATBABY – ‘Here She Comes a Tumblin’’

Review by Harry Pothead

No, No, No, No, No!!!!!  What the fuck is this!?  This album really does take shit to a whole new level to such an extent that I feel a serious Harry rant coming on.

If you go to places like Sidmouth Folk Festival, year in year out, you will have heard the likes of Birdeatbaby before.  Here’s how I imagine them live in a small venue, somewhere in the middle of somewhere - the tiniest venue holding a gig aimed at middle aged, tofu eating, brown rice munching, yoga doing, pipe smoking, Real Ale drinking, cardigan wearers with BO and bad breath (90% Geography teachers, then).  They all stand in anticipation, their elbow patches rubbing together in excitement as an Irish, folky sounding violin starts to screech in the background, and accompanied by an accordion and some bongo drums.  Then this woman with clearly dyed ginger hair wanders onto the stage in a flowing, mock 18th century number, opens her mouth and what comes out can only be described as cat wailing.

Anyway, I digress. In summary, violins, dramatic drum rolls, appalling and talentless vocalist. The whole album sounds the same.

Rarely do I listen to an album where the guitar work is so exceptional that it leaves me both breathless and speechless, which is what happened when I listened to six of the seven tracks on this album.  For the purposes of this review, Track 4, simply entitled ‘…’ has been excluded and should be completely disregarded – a slow, cheesy and harmonious love-song-sounding pile of crap, as out of place here as a snowman in a heat wave.  Regardless of how artistically versatile it makes None The Less look, it detracts from the evil genius behind the other six pounding tracks of thrash loveliness.

Deep, heavy and rumbling into every orifice, ‘The Way To Save Ourselves’ is a mind blowing collection of hardcore, adrenaline fuelled thrash with a twist – None The Less have combined commercial boy band harmonies, throaty roaring and a huge pair of sweaty bollocks to produce ‘something for everyone’.  Whether you be a thrash fan, an emo fan, a metal fan or simply a lover of excellent guitar work, None The Less have a little something for you, nicely packaged and delivered with deathly precision and a head rocking sense of forceful urgency.

None The Less have taken this shit to the next level, and I’m going along for the ride.

Review by Lilly-Sue

Karen O , Brian Chase and Nick Zinner back and sounding like their old selves, just 2009 this time.  Flashy outfits, powerful voice and catchy beats - this will grab you by the balls and refuse to release. ‘Hairbrush and the bedroom mirror music’. I’m afraid, but I wouldn’t be caught doing it to anything else.

Well worth your time, space and money, so go now……..

Review by Harry Pothead

More like nonsense at any time, light or dark!  I think I must have upset somebody somewhere as I always seem to get the shit to review!!!!  Anyway - here goes.  This is an album that almost feels like it is twenty five years too late.  It is the most retro 80's crap I have heard since that ball of testosterone that are the Scissor Sisters sexually abused my ears a few years ago, (metaphorically speaking of course).  What an utter load of shite it really is - Casio keyboard Electro pop at its worst - Howard Jones meets Gary Newman meets The, The (ask your Mum and Dad!)

It is bad lyrics, sung (in the loosest sense of the word) by a terrible vocalist I imagine doing the robot in a white mask and white gloves in front of a black curtain covered in fairy lights playing a keyboard which looks like a guitar!!  It left me, as you can probably tell, having horrible flashbacks to a time best forgotten.  There is an awful lot of bleepy bleepy and repeating of lyrics, i.e. do it, do it, do it. 

IN THIS MOMENT – ‘The Dream’

Review by Harry Pothead

I think I may not do this particular review justice because my view of female rock vocalists has been tainted in the past by bands like Vixen and more recently Paramore.  You know what I mean - that commercial sounding durge that is always played out on National Radio stations and you cant help tapping your foot to and then feeling guilty for about a week afterwards (or is that just me!).

There are places on this album where this girl redeems herself and proves that she can really wail.  On the whole, though, I think she ruins the album.  The drumming is good, the guitarist pulls off some fucking awesome guitar licks and is simply excellent but both of these things aren't enough to make up for the vocal.

If I was 12 and had girly floppy hair and had a tendency to cut myself "just to feel something", I would probably love this band, but as a thirty something who spends most of his life trying to get into a state where he feels fuck all – well, its really not for me.

This band needs a vocalist with literally more bollocks.

SEVERENTH – ‘The Age of Paranoia’

By Harry Pothead

At fucking last - I get a decent album to review!!!!!

I can remember the first time I heard Slipknot, Disturbed, Metallica etc and the feeling it gave me in the pit of my stomach; a kind of feeling crossed between adrenaline, coming up and pure unadulterated excitement.  This is how I felt when I listened to this album.  It is FUCKING AWESOME and there is no other way of describing it! 

Ste Ensall - Lead guitar - absolutely amazing riffs that will make you stop dead at the pure complexity and quality of what he can do. You sir are a fucking legend!!!

Ben Jones - Bass - Wow!!  Incredible bass lines that reminded me of some of the best bassists in the game - he is fucking amazing.

Peet Bailey - Vocals - This guy can ROAR like a fucking lion with an attitude the size of a small country that has just been told meat is off the menu!  Why he spells his name like that I don’t know but I'm not going to argue with somebody with a voice like that!

Dani Partridge - Drums - This drummer makes the band what it is; he is an unbelievable talent - fast, hard and violent just how drumming should be.

Jamie Ruddock - Rhythm guitar – yeah. Not bad !

Put them all together you have got a sound that makes you want to find the nearest bunch of like minded rockers and kick the fucking bollocks out of them. Unbelievably good. I want to see them live now!!!!  (hint hint!)

Buy it, buy it now - don’t look back - just get it. Find the biggest, loudest. most ridiculous sound system - you can turn it up as far as it will go, and play it.  If the neighbours complain, start a mosh pit on their ass and fuck ‘em up to some great music.

Review by Lilly-Sue

Rich girl with issues returns for a second slab of British pop. Incredible lyrics, but unfortunately set to the same bland brand of British pop that poisons our airwaves. She might have something interesting to say if I could stand listening to it.

Is it bad that I like it?

LEFT SIDE BRAIN – ‘Collider’

Review by Lilly-Sue

Bass driven groove rock’n’roll with widdly guitars. A bit lame. A bit good.

Fancy brutally assaulting your ear drums, and those of everyone within a 50 mile radius?  Then obtain this album, insert it into the nearest appropriate audio outlet, wire up some huge speakers and prepare to blow your mother-fucking brains out…….

Comprising of ten tracks of extreme thrash, deep fried with attitude and served with a generous portion of ‘fuck you’; ‘New Rebellion’ takes the musical experience to the absolute max, with grating roars, explosive bass and a drum beat capable of vibrating your eyeballs loose. 

I highly recommend ‘Mind Damnation’ and ‘C.H.D.’, but the whole album is true metal at its best, so any track is good.  1000 Scars don’t let up for a second, ensuring maximum audio pleasure for those of us who live for this shit.

Loud, powerful, commanding and brash – and that’s just the slower, deeper tracks.  ‘The Sound of Madness’ is best described as harmonious hard rock, with breathtaking guitar work and some of the strongest vocals I have encountered in a while – it has a heavy feel with lyrics that empower the listener to let go and rock out !!

This is an album with soul and a huge pair of balls; Shinedown encourage you to lose control, with an emphasis on enjoyment and listener participation, and you find yourself pulled in and dragged along for an explosive ride, totally immersed in the moment.  ‘The Crow and The Butterfly’, ‘Call Me’ and ‘’If You Only Knew’ are a little on the slushy side, but hard hitting tracks such as ‘Sin With A Grin’, ‘Cyanide Sweet Tooth Suicide’ and ‘Devour’ more than make up for this.

Gets in your face, slaps you around and leaves you appreciating every second.

I really didn’t like this one bit – let me explain…..

The guitar work is very obviously Brian May, as you would expect, and although I was pleased that they didn’t use a vocalist that sounds like Freddie Mercury, ‘The Cosmos Rocks’ isn’t musically much like anything that Queen would do.  I found this more like The Jeff Healey Band, with that blues overtone and twangy, countrified guitar.

I began listening to this, and it wasn’t bad until I got to track 6, entitled ‘We Believe’, a ‘save the planet’ track, and I had to stop – if Queen want to preach about the state of the world, they need to find another platform that isn’t music because it gets very irritating listening to musicians bang on about it when all you, as the listener, wants to do is enjoy a bit of music without the lecture.

They either call themselves Queen and produce Queen-like music, or continue as they are and call themselves something else.

Absolute bollocks…… do not be fooled by the name, he does not resemble a Rolls Royce in the slightest………

Middle of the road is the most dangerous place to drive.

Undecided on his music style, this album reminds me of the Beatles; put in a bag full of acoustic, cock rock and Cliff Richard, then shake vigorously and pour out, mixed with a weak whining voice.

In fact, my best suggestion would be is if you’re looking for a Christmas present for your mother, this would be it.

Amazing intro track, made like a warped fairytale with some very good lyrics, but spoiled by instant images of v plates and lusting 15 year old screamo girls, with their one eyed boyfriends who look more like their sisters.

As soon as it opens on track 2 with “Don’t Wake Up” you die a little inside - well mastered and a very good idea, just a shame it’s a photocopy of all the other screamo out there.

Easy to learn and shout along to with a hair brush in your bathroom mirror, the lyrics are meaningful but it’s a 14 track album of broken hearts and hate.

“We were lovers burnt alive, and  I am re born, I will never forgive that night” – a quote which sums up this band from a track title that shows of their full potential…..

Saddest story never told…………………this band.

I always tend to approach compilation albums such as this one with extreme caution – it has always been my belief that these types of albums are thrown together in order to extort money from genuine music fans who cannot afford to buy all the albums of the featured bands, and unfortunately, this is no exception.  I have also found that at least half the album will be total crap and it seems a little pointless, as well as expensive, to buy an album only to skip half of the tracks as they begin. 

Kerrang! claim to have compiled ‘the most essential and hard rocking tracks of 2008’ and ‘the ultimate snapshot of the current rock scene’, and yet the first track on CD 2 is Green Day’s ‘American Idiot’ which was released 4 years ago, along with older tracks from My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy and the best album filler in the world, good old HIM.  Kerrang! Editor Paul Brannigan then goes on to totally contradict the above by talking about bands like Nickelback and Linkin Park being the bands of the ‘decade’ – so is this a CD of tracks from the last decade, or from 2008 ?  Hmmm…….  I partially agree in principle that these bands have been prominent within the rock scene over the past ten years, but which idiot decided that Linkin Park’s ‘Given Up’ should be included as a celebration of the last decade, when they have clearly produced much better tracks than this lame effort.

I was pleased to note the inclusion of ‘younger’ bands like Enter Shikari, Cancer Bats and Elliot Minor, but still feel that the track selections could have been way better.  Save your pennies and buy a whole album by one band you really like rather than a compilation of tracks that aren’t the best,  by 42 bands you may not like that much.

Ok….  This is a vomit inducing, repetitive Automatic rip off.  To enlighten you a little, this means that if you are into pop-punk, you are likely to cream your knickers/pants over this 12 track effort that personally made me want to bash my brains out on the bedroom wall.

Upbeat poppy rhythms, confusingly mashed together with jumping drum beats and mundane guitar riffs.

Love the Automatic, Love Look See Proof.

Unlike the single ‘Cops and Robbers’, the album starts quite promisingly, with lyrics that actually sound like they had some thought put into them and some good musical presentation.  ‘Human Beings’ is the type of album that befits a quiet but heavy mood, although I must confess that I found myself becoming distracted easily and had lost interest by the third track. 

Not really worth your time, but Simon Says ‘Rollercoaster’ is well worth a listen, with its Placebo-esque nature.

Since their first album ‘Not Accepted Anywhere’, Welsh rockers The Automatic have reinvented themselves and their sound from the original ‘poppy’ music, with ‘This is a Fix’.  Classic tracks such as ‘Monster’ have now been replaced with mature guitar rifts and lyrics from the likes of ‘Steve McQueen’.  The voice of Rob Hawkins fits perfectly with the overall sound of the album, and the new addition to the band, Paul Mullen, who has taken over from Alex Penny. 

Sadly, one thing the boys forgot to reinvent was their constant repetitiveness; the album is filled with songs that stick in your head for days, which could be either good or bad.  However, the two songs they have written reflect the true talent of The Automatic, and their ability to write enough lyrics to fill an album.

Overall, the anticipation for this album was disappointingly too high, as the novelty wears off by the third track.  All I can say is that it was a letdown…..

Well, where do I start ?  Hmmm….  Ok – the album begins with some dirty, yet ‘serious’, old school punk vocals interspersed with clear, tuneful vocals (I think this is done for a bit of contrast) and a rolling, hardcore pace.  The System of a Down influence is extremely evident, and as obvious as a house brick hurtling towards your face.  The beat, style, and double-vocal harmonies reek of SOAD, along with the political overtones to the lyrics, designed to give the listener food for thought.  In comparison, however, Scars on Broadway have produced an album full of short, half done tracks that seem to literally end in the middle, which is not something SOAD were renowned for.

‘Exploding/Reloading’ is the first track that I felt showed any promise, with some interesting punkish vocals, unusual plinking piano sound effects and the odd bit of screaming.  However, mixing two vocal styles fucks up the listen a little.  ‘Stoner Hate’ made an interesting listen; punchy and hard-hitting, with lyrics about ‘hippy psychopaths’.  ‘Insane’ is delivered as a love song, even though there are multiple references to padded cells, but, on the plus side, has an excellent guitar solo and appropriate use of echo.  ‘World Long Gone’ is very politically motivated, and I failed to appreciate the use of a xylophone.  The tracks continue pretty much like this – confusion, monotony, bullshit politics and a lacklustre musical performance that has little direction.  The best track on this album by far has to be ‘Chemicals’ – ‘eating chemicals, madness and sucking cock’ – vocals sound positively maniacal and the track as a whole is downright weird.

I did expect more from this album, but was sorely disappointed.  It certainly wasn’t worth 45 minutes (yes, that’s it) of my time. 

Wow – this takes me straight back to the lates 70’s, and ‘Friggin in the Riggin’, and reminds me very much of the Sex Pistols at their silliest, as well as The Clash in places.  ‘Mutiny’ is proper punk, as punk should be, and not the pop inspired skater shit the music industry attempts to pass off as something it’s not. 

Goldblade are the real deal, with rolling bass lines, some psychotic drum work and a vocalist who could easily reach the iconic status of Johnny Rotten or the late Joe Strummer with his guttural, cocky chants.  The lyrical style, that of disorganized chaos, gives this album charm, balls, lots of attitude and an entertaining display of true punk rock.  Each track sees Goldblade dare you to get down and dirty with them, challenging even the most hard to please listener not to like them, and they have a fucking good time doing it.  The effortless guitar solos are breathtaking, the drumming spot on, and the album is worth buying for the lyrics alone, without all the juicy extras thrown in – listen to ‘Everyone’s on Drugs’ and you’ll see what I mean…..

With a middle finger firmly in the air, Goldblade are taking it to a whole other level.  Rarely do you find an album as consistently hardcore from beginning to end as this, although I’m still not sure about the pig noises….  In an industry awash with Kaiser Chiefs clones, this album truly is a gift from the Great Music God in the Sky.  It’s good to see a band who understand what punk is, and are able to transform that understanding into an exceptional collection of tracks.

Quite upbeat and bouncy, with grating, edgy vocals – very 80’s skater punk with a smidgen of rock attitude, but lacking quite severely in bass.  ‘Heart’s Done Breakin’ has a good rhythm, and the chanting gave it a little push in the right direction.  ‘Hear No Evil’ is a class punk track, with everything I would expect – commanding, crass vocals, consistent drum rumbles and some top notch guitar playing, but in comparison, ‘Lost Cause’ was so much better, but still lacking in the ‘bollocks’ factor. 

However, we then got to ‘As Tears Go By’ and ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorn’, and this is what basically finished it off for me.  Do not cover a Rolling Stones track, for a start – it doesn’t suit you, it isn’t yours and it sounded shit.  And ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorn’ was worse – I am a firm believer that if you can’t write your own material, and you have to steal other peoples, then you should go get a normal job and leave the music alone.

Blatant Finger have the basis of a good idea, but they need more pace (if this had been on vinyl, I would have listened to it on 45rpm, not 33rpm) and dirty guitar solos need to be dirtier.  Tom Barrett makes this what it is, because without him, this is nothing special.  A little nurturing, and the addition and/or subtraction of a few things can make it right.

Top marks – The Levellers are quite possibly one of the best bands I have ever heard, producing an album jam packed with amazing lyrics and an intoxicating sound that fits with almost any mood.

A must-have in any CD collection, driving or drinking (but not both, as that’s illegal) guaranteed to make you bop along (and sing, but try not to have the window down in a traffic jam, lol).

The Levellers have excelled themselves yet again, with yet another lovable album.

A classic thrash rock album, with excellent heavy bass lines, raw, edgy lyrics delivered with deathly precision and dark, evil overtones.  ‘Play To Ghosts’ is very much a stoner rock album in that it isn’t hardcore to the point of amphetamine-fuelled ridiculousness, but has all the balls, and lots more besides, that makes this an epic screamfest.   It should also be noted that there are some jaw dropping guitar performances throughout, and although the pitches and tones rise and fall like a whore’s drawers, it flows with exceptional ease.   Altered, echoed lyrics are a little iffy, but complete this marriage of thrash metal genius.

Bravo.

A lame ass attempt at metal, but a rather good listen, nonetheless.  The Fall The Rise will surprise you with dirty riffs mixed with harmonious ‘singing’, and not the usual expected screams.

Nicely presented, and a welcome change.

Rape of the ears !!!  The Infadels made me wish I could get the wasted time back that I spent listening to ‘Universe In Reverse’.  In fact, I actually forgot the album was on, until my CD player scratched around to the next one, which actually sounded better than this shit…..

Nothing about this band will ever make me want to listen to this again – the Infadels didn’t grab me at all – the first 2 minutes made my head drop, only to rise again when it was all over.

‘Trouble Maker’ and ‘Pork and Beans’ are two of the best summer songs I have heard so far – light and catchy with wicked lyrics that make you grab the hairbrush and air guitar your heart out.  Unfortunately, ‘Weezer’ is a typical Weezer album, but if you enjoy their music, it is worth the purchase, particularly if you enjoyed tracks like ‘Sweater Song’ and ‘Beverley Hills’.

An album of proper car music, to be played on the way to amazing surf and beach fun.

Erm………  Experimental, but worth a listen.  The art work is amazing, and probably the only reason you would buy this.

If you have a taste for the different, then Kidnapper Bell are for you.

This starts very promisingly, with undertones of The Who mixed with some Sex Pistols, but as the album progresses, I started to get bored and wanted to turn it off. 

Well put together – shame they used the same shit all the way through, and ‘See What You Wanna See’ would make a very good club track……..

Forgettable is the best way to describe this band – if you’re into repetitive, jumpy, soft punk, you may be able to stomach half of ‘This Is Not The World’, but I wouldn’t rush out and buy it as it isn’t anything original.

I did enjoy listening to this album.  Black Tide have a very Eighties sound, with sections reminiscent of early Iron Maiden.  The guitar work was cool, and the riffs reminded me of a track you may find on a future edition of ‘Guitar Hero’.  The vocalist was awesome, and his style worked well with Black Tide’s chosen genre.

‘Light From Above’ is definitely worth a listen, but I wouldn’t go out and buy it.

This was weird with a capital ‘W’.

The Treat’s guitarist must be commended for is commanding performance throughout this album, along with his band mates for their precise delivery, excellent heavy bass and powerful vocals which were far from ‘normal’ and displayed with versatile pitch and tone change.

‘Phonography’ has elements of emo and classic rock, with a modern twist I would attribute to the less than run of the mill vocal style.  Delivery is clean and clear, vocals are cocky and confident, and the guitar solos are mind blowing, until you get to the track entitled ‘Deathday Parties’, where the album starts to go a bit pear shaped.  ‘Phonography’ loses momentum at this point, slows down quite dramatically and the vocals begin to drawl.  Then we begin to climb again (bit like the Pepsi Max, this…) with ‘Bolivian Diary’ , which contains lots of sound effects, and some very twisted vocals – quite fast paced, with a blues overtone.  By now, the album had become more upbeat again, with a poppy overtone and cringing karaoke lyrics – exit the rock elements, enter an average, mainstream sound.  ‘Meadowland’ then took this in another direction, and it all got positively weird, with sparse, strumming guitar and vocals that sounded like Murdoch from the A-Team when he does his posh voice, and he’s singing about Nursery Rhyme characters……..  This was bizarre, to say the least, but there was more strangeness to come.  ‘Haitian Morning Dress’ was a country and western disaster song, with lyrics that were very fucking strange, ‘Clutching at Jagged Glass’ had great pace, but the chorus sent it all wobbly, ‘Effervescence’ was an instrumental with loads of flute playing – what the fuck is going on ??????

Then we get to the song about cats.  Yes, you just read that right – cats.  At this point, the vocalist is sounding positively eccentric, like he needs locking up, but then suddenly turns into a male Suzi Quattro, and then quickly back to Mr Insano.

Twelve tracks of head frying madness.  Make of it what you will……

Illuminatus initially really impressed me as a band, demonstrating a heavy sound that was surprising chilling to listen to.  The band work well together to produce tracks that are musically cool, although I felt some of these tracks were a little too slow paced, and I found myself drifting off into another world several times…….

‘Emotion Sickness’ is definitely my favourite – in relation to a more than apparent drone on some of the other tracks, the lyrics were meaningful, making this particular song easier on the ear.  Unfortunately, by the time the last track ‘White Lies’ started to sneak through my speakers, I wanted to turn it off – it was boring me…

Jammie – I thought Elliot Minor were a good band, with a good sound and a variety of musical instruments.  However, this really applied only to a few of the tracks at the beginning of the album, not the entire selection – as it went on, I lost the keenness I had begun listening with.

Lilly-Sue – A good album to listen to, with a nice range in their use of varied musical instruments.  ‘Parallel Worlds’ is one of the best songs I have heard in a while – just makes you wanna rock out and sing along.  Although it does make you think ‘I’m rocking out to choir boys gone bad’, it intoxicates the soul with its powerful melodies and spine tingling vocals.  Good listen if you are into Madina Lake or soft rock in general.

Say hello to ‘metal emo’, with the new album from 12 Gauge Alliance.  I found it unusually atmospheric in concept to begin with, with rumbling thunder sounds and deep guitar instrumentals – mellow, yet hauntingly chilling.  The different musical levels on this album are bit of a head fry – I heard drum and bass, pop, classic rock and hardcore metal – which can be a little intense when you aren’t expecting it, but the Alliance manage to pull it off quite successfully.  There are several tracks which I found were roarfests of epic proportions, although the mixture of clear and roared lyrics took a bit of getting used to; delivery was a mixture of urgency, desperation and pleading, accompanied by rolling drums and some excellent guitar work which makes the experience just that little bit better.  Some tracks tended to stop and start repeatedly, which can also throw you a little when you’ve just got into a heavy bit and suddenly, the track pace deflates somewhat.

Despite these few criticisms, ‘Conspire To Conclude’ is a combination of heavy, fast drums and short, sharp bass segments with a consistently hardcore theme, delivered with force, soul and passion.

You don’t just ‘listen’ to 12 Gauge Alliance; you ‘feel’ them, so strap yourself in and brace yourself…..

Upbeat, hardcore emo with a bit of a twist in the form of church bells and air raid sirens, which open ‘Rise or Die Trying’.  Don’t let this dissuade you from giving it your full attention, though – powerful bass and chanting vocals are accompanied by a melodic, pop beat, almost like skater rock with powerful, high energy vibe and a smidgen of roar.  Tracks are enhanced by oodles of quality drumming, although the Barber Shop Quartet harmonics can be a little extreme in places.

Despite some good musicianship, all the tracks are very similar, produced using the ‘same chord-different song’ template which is a shame – Four Year Strong have obvious heart, soul and conviction, but display a distinctive lack of variety.  Notable tracks are ‘Heroes Get Remembered, Heroes Never Die’, with its deep humming bass, and ‘Maniac R.O.D.’, a true hardcore anthem.

Fall Out Boy on speed, complete with absurdly long song titles.

‘Ceilings’ is rather a low key affair; melodic in conception and soothing in delivery.  The vocally talented Travis Bryant croons his way angelically from track to track, musically caressing the inner soul, accompanied by some truly excellent guitar strumming and relaxing piano intervals. 

This is what I would call a ‘girlie’ album, full of well produced love songs and carefully timed lyrics, and with the exception of a couple of tracks near the end of the album, such as ‘Sleep With Your Soul In’, where the pace picks up a little, Alive In Wild Paint show that they are a tad more than just a ‘sugary’ band that would only appeal to the sad and lonely minority.

I do prefer the faster, more upbeat tracks, but ‘Ceilings’ is not an album to be written off.  Everyone needs a release, and this would be perfect for many.

Destroy Everything are the first band I have encountered that understand the concept of punk, and are able to demonstrate it musically – punk as punk should be, and not a half arsed, wishy washy pile of pop bollocks that has a quicker than average drum beat.  Destroy Everything have hit it right on the nail, and impressed the fuck out of me in the process – being old enough to remember the birth of punk in the Seventies, I have been constantly pissed off for decades by bands who market themselves as punk when they don’t understand the roots of the music they are trying to mercilessly rip off.  But here it is people, nestled amongst 15 tracks of some class ‘original’ punk – raw, angry, trashy vocals with that fast, unerring drum beat, guitar that reeks of apocalyptic arrogance and crass lyrics with a firm, anti-establishment, ‘fuck you’ finger in the air that preach the harsh realities of modern life. Gratuitous foul language and a sense of utter chaos are also included for your listening pleasure.  No frills, no bells and whistles, and definitely no bullshit. 

So throw ‘Freedom of Speech Means Talk Is Cheap’ in your stereo, sit back, and enjoy future punk anthems like ‘No Punk Intended’, ‘Dickhead’ and a true classic in the making, ‘Because of You’.  In fact, it’s ALL good…….

As an album, ‘The Once and Future King’ is extremely hard to place into a single, or even several, different genres because of such variation in styles – mellow, Zepplin-ish, stoner, classic, thrash, a bit Hendrix and very Slash in places.  Given this, I decided to create a genre for them, and I call it ‘Nephwrock’.

Unusual deep, rough vocals can be dark one minute, then transform instantly into clear and multi-toned before you’ve noticed – all this accompanied by a certifiably insane drummer, power driven basslines and a nice bit of roaring made for a pleasurable listening experience.  I found myself pulling Hendrix faces during some of the guitar solos, as if I were there in the moment (I air guitar very badly, so don’t normally bother, replacing the flailing arms with slightly more subtle head movements).

‘Cold Skin’ was a little disappointing – apart from the mind blowing-guitar, it all went a bit Beastie Boys, so stop – it doesn’t suit you, although the Slash-esque quitar solo went a little way to making up for it.  ‘Fall of Empires’ has an excellent opening solo, you can chant your ass off to the chorus of ‘By The Night’, and although the lyrics are a little political in places, they certainly raise a smile.

Nephwrack are like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re going to get – but variety is the spice of life, as they say…..

I liked ‘Mercy’ very much – I am a soul fan (believe it or not) and this reminded me very much of early 60’s soul with a modern, retro-pop twist.  All the tracks on this sampler have a very similar style – tambourines, a bit of vocal echo, unobtrusive drums and strumming guitars.  Duffy has a great voice, with that certain pitch, tone and delivery that sets her apart and very suited to this style of music, although I think she would make an excellent rock goddess (come over to the dark side, Duffy!)

Catch a load of the vocally talented Duffy, already topping the charts with ‘Mercy’ – she doesn’t need a good review from me, but she can have one anyway.  And she kicks the ass out of fucking Amy Winehouse…….

The guitar work on ‘Through the Gates of Hell’ is a bit special, and left me pretty speechless.  The promising title does not disappoint, and the vocalist delivers his vocals as I imagine the devil would – listening to this makes you feel like the devil is about to materialise from your speakers and challenge you to a Tenacious D style rock out. 

Primitai combine some excellent guitar riffs with raw, edgy vocals and well placed drums.  Heaped full of guitar solos, each track is an adventure into the land of rock that is extreme in musical content, skilful musicianship, and macabre lyrics delivered with hardcore fury. 

Primitai have a captivating presence, and have produced a set of brash, unabated, satanic anthems that offensively kick ass at every opportunity.  ‘Destroyers’ and ‘Lights Out’ are two exceptional tracks, with the album getting better as it rumbles on, rasping and raw with testosterone fuelled attitude.

Primitai – the next big thing to rock and rock hard, with a force equalled by few.

(I read the crappy Kerrang! Review this album got, and the reviewer was talking through his arse)

I’m always a sucker for a good drummer and a hardcore bassline, so ‘Bane’, the second track on ‘Nascent’, sold me much pretty much straight away.  The icing came in the form of Emma, a girlie with a talent a lot of men aren’t born with – the ability to roar your ass off in the name of music.  Her vocal style is gothically haunting, and kicks the masculinity of the genre straight in the balls whilst maintaining an air of femininity with relative ease.

The guitar work on this is a bit special – the liberally scattered solo pieces are class air guitar moments for those of you that way inclined, and listening pleasure for the rest of us.  ‘Revolution’ slows the pace a little about half way through, which gives you time to clear out the cobwebs that the beginning of the album shook loose, and demonstrates the musical prowess of Nothing Gained.  With the hardcore pace reset to mind-blowing, the album continues as a hardcore rockfest of epic proportions, and doesn’t let up for a second until the last chord has crashed through your speakers – I can personally recommend ‘Rotting Inside’.

Nothing Gained give you a monumental auditory ass kicking – be sure to show your gratitude.

This was a bit of a treat – vocally, very much in the style of Skin (Skunk Anasie) – passionate, emotional and a little lispy, delivered with strength and conviction. 

Musically, ‘New Moon’ is melodic and upbeat, yet relaxing- the complementary guitar strumming and rhythmic drums make listening to this quite a unique and unusual experience, whilst the mixture of styles and paces keeps it interesting.

Discard the norm, and get yourself a bit of Grace Solero – now that makes a refreshing change….

Typical, generic emo pop-punk with a smidgen of attitude – same melodies, chords – the works.  The guitar work gets interesting when the album is two thirds over, but is let down somewhat by vocals that are more than a little rough around the edges, detracting from what is musically good.  As ‘Bad Movie, Great Soundtrack’ progresses from one track to the next, the album melts into a fat pot of saminess, which is a bit of a shame, and although the pace gathers for a climactic end, this is a bit too little, too late.

It is what it is, despite attempts to repackage it by sporadically adding a bit of thrash guitar t try and disguise it as original.  Same chord, different day.

This is an album full of bouncy, punky energy with lashings of vocal attitude and an upbeat tempo that delivers speedy offering after speedy offering.  Few points can be awarded here for style originality, but ‘Heroes, Hoods and Headphones’ is a pleasurable listen, nonetheless.  Rolling drum beats and some good guitar work reminded me of a cross between Sum 41 and Blink 182 before Tom DeLonge got delusions of grandeur. 

An interesting collection of lively tracks guaranteed to get a crowd up and ready top party – recommended tracks include ‘Caught in the Crossfire’, ‘A Million Little Things’ and my personal favourite ‘Caffeine’

Slow, deep throbbing bass always starts an album well, and gives a very classic feel overall, much like the days when rock as a genre was in its infancy and Sabbath busted the scene wide open with something very similar.  Vocals are interesting – little pitch variation, and an air of upper class snobbery, although I did find the lyrical composition a little repetitive.  Some top notch guitar solos certainly whisked me back a couple of decades, and despite much of ‘Wake Up The Dawn’ being instrumental, the mesmerising effect made me think more of Stoned Eagle than Screaming Eagle.

Trance inducing stoner rock – it’s all good…..

Loxodrome are a band that will certainly make you sit up and take notice – whether you want to or not – with a blend of tantalisingly dark tracks that will give you a bit of a slap if you aren’t paying attention.  The vocals are cocky and controlling, exaggerated and echoed to the point of ridiculousness, and accompanied by drum and guitar work that err on the side of hardcore.

‘State of the Union Speech’ has that certain something that sets it apart – you will either love or hate the vocals but the effortless bass guitar and a drummer with bionic arms will more than adequately compensate for this.  There are a few surprises as the album progresses – a bit of style experimentation, lots of drug references and tracks that can burst to life at a moments notice, particularly my fave, ‘LXD’

One for the discerning hardcore fan.

Rarely do albums begin as face ripping and powerfully hardcore as this, the self titled debut album from Hiatus.  Deep, heavy bass rumbles and pounds through each track, accompanied by vocals that have an air of cocksure arrogance, commanding attention whilst delivering lyrics with flawless ease.  I did expect the whole album to be hard and heavy,  so the inclusion of a couple of slower tracks surprised me because Hiatus do ‘arse-ripping’ so well - I found these tracks to be equally powerful, but lacking vocally.  Each to their own, eh?

So, if you like bassy tracks, appreciate good guitar work and want to ‘lose’ yourself in the world of hardcore rock for an hour or so, pop this in the stereo and enjoy…..

Deserves to Die don’t let up one little bit, with a rumbling collection of tracks that roll harder and harder with gathering momentum. ‘Surrender All But Our Skin’ is consistently fast from track to track, delivering a heavy barrage of pleasurable noise that has to be heard to be believed.  Roaring vocals and drums faster than the speed of sound cause a sensory overload – this is certainly an album you won’t forget in a hurry.

A metal fest of gargantuan proportions and a must for the dedicated thrash fan.

A collection of 7 tracks that all have a lot going on at once – it becomes hard in places to separate the different sounds amongst crashing confusion, but you certainly get value for money, with long tracks and lots of lovely guitar solos for all the string section freaks out there.  It seems fashionable at the moment to slow down a track sporadically, and then build it back up to fever pitch point, and At The Soundawn do this with incredible ease and seemingly little effort (Don’t know how good this is for the heart, though).  ‘Slight Variations’ was definitely my favourite track, and comes highly recommended by yours truly – a screamfest, with throbbing bass lines, skilful lead guitar and a touch of energetic drumming scores high on the face ripping metal scale. 

Heavy with a hint of madness.

I really wanted to give this album a good review and that's why it was given to me because Deb didn't want to slate it.  I myself am very aware about constantly giving albums negative feedback through bad reviews, and apart from anything else, it makes me sound like a right miserable twat. 

However, having listened to this album for the first time, I renamed it (like some sort of pre-pubescent teen) Cack and Shite.  It made me chuckle anyway.

All that can really be said about this random collection of noise is that it is the same shit, different album.  That’s really it. If you liked The Hives before, keep on filling their pockets by buying this utter shite punk wannabee bollocks!

In summary, I would say if you are not a Hives fan, well done to you, keep up the good work, and invest your hard earned money in some decent music - anything as long as it isn't this!  Hives fans - buy it and I hope it gives you tinnitus!!!

I am constantly being impressed by the emerging female talent, gracing us with vocals that make a bit of a change from the testosterone fuelled roaring we are used to, and this album is one of those that is impresses the hell out of me.

Hands up who knows what ‘evil cuteness’ sounds like.  You know what I mean – the voice of an angel with a touch of calculated madness, which also happens to be accurate when used to describe the vocals of The Birthday Massacre’s front woman Chibi. 

‘Walking With Strangers’ comprises of 12 tracks of brash electronica - bold drums, solid, heavy bass lines and a bit of dodgy echo fuses this into something dark and sinister, yet fun in a forbidden and hedonistic way.  The aforementioned vocals have superb clarity and a higher pitch than one would expect, adding a mixture of mischief, domination and a pinch of arrogance to the proceedings.

Take away all the little added theatrical extras and you would be forgiven for dismissing this as an emo pop atrocity, but put it all together, and you have an album that is as unique as it is strange.

A heavy bass line rumbling from the heart of my Jamo D110’s is always a good sign, but I have been disappointed before, so I held my breath and went blue before realising that this really was as good as I thought it was.  And then I listened some more, and thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience. 

Sal really aren’t doing anything new, but they are doing it slightly differently, which stands them apart from the crowd.  Some impressive raw female vocals grate punky attitude, accompanied by the fast past cockiness and egotistic drum and bass that all good rock tracks are made of.  ‘Goodbye’ is a track most recommended for clearing out a few cobwebs.

This reminded me of the style of Evanescence and Amy Lee, but much, much better – much less attention seeking brat, and much more controlled domination.

‘Battle For Humanity’ is a musically diverse album from Finnish band Lines of Leaving, and in an extreme way.  This collection of tracks are a bit goth, a bit pop, a bit punk, a bit thrash – a fusion of macabre eccentricity and way too many e-numbers.

‘Extravagance’ opens the proceedings, introducing a musical experience of epic proportions, and the album continues to barge its way through your psyche until the very last chord has sounded.  A track can begin as face-ripping, hardcore thrash then slip into a ‘poppy’ coma before suddenly being revived in a hail of ripping guitar work and jaw dropping drums.  Occasionally, Lines of Leaving will show you a glimpse of their softer side, such as ‘Sacrifice For A Greater Cause’, and on reflection, it is quite a deep, philosophical album, both lyrically and musically.  They even slow it down at the end, probably so the transition back to normality is less traumatic…..

Not for the faint hearted.

A dark, thunderous album, interspersed with oodles of Dani-Filth-on-LSD type vocals and alternating melodic, clear vocals that will throw your head completely – check out ‘Cyberpunk 2.0’, and you’ll see what I mean.  The vocals really do make this album because they are so bizarrely in total contrast throughout this hard rocking, aggression fuelled melee of chaos.  There is even a bit of rave thrown in for effect, and this inclusion adds an extra twist to heavy basslines and forceful drums.

A haunting headfuck.

Essentially an album for the working classes, ‘Life Without You’ is a collection of, for want of a better word, ‘love’ songs.  Musically, this is what you would come to expect from bands that play at weddings and dances, with the strumming guitars, piano and gentle cymbals that create a mellow beat anyone can dance to.  The Proclaimers have taken the pace down a notch or two since the days of ‘500 Miles’, and the less forceful nature of their performance here suits them.  The broad Scottish accent is still evident, but has lost its harshness, instead sounding tunefully soft.

I can’t fault it, other than it isn’t my usual genre of choice, and if I liked this sort of music, ‘Life With You’ would be part of my collection.

An excellent offering by Whibley and Co. – 15 tracks of energetic punk rock with Sum 41’s signature guitar chords and distinctive vocals that set them apart from the rest.  Critics may argue that ‘Underclass Hero’ sounds pretty much like everything else they’ve done, and I agree, but if they changed direction now, they wouldn’t be the Sum 41 we know and love.

The album starts well, with ‘Underclass Hero’ and ‘Walking Disaster’ – booming bass, heavy drums and some class lyrics, faltering only slightly in places when the pace slows.  ‘Ma Poubelle’ is a little out of place – a slow track in a foreign language, pretty devoid of anything apart from 3 guitar strings, and ‘Kings of Construction’ has that annoying vocal echo although it is probably the hardest track on the album.

Diversity within similarity.

‘Soul Connection’ is primarily an instrumental album, with quite a dark theme, and when vocals do feature on the odd track, they can be deathly and haunting or sinister sounding, but in an oddly good way.  Despite this, the whole album is very mellow, and can have a meditating, trance-like effect after a while.  One track will have bongos, whereas the next track may be piano-themed;  the deep, creepy male vocals contrast quite noticeably with the upbeat, wailing female vocals, and a few inventive sound effects are thrown in, adding a touch of eccentricity to the whole affair.

Weird, happy, dark and chilled out all at once – a bit like Enigma, but without the drama.

Excellent guitar work, clear harmonic vocals and the potential to be an excellent thrash band, if only Face of Adversity would add a bit more bass and reduce the tinny cymbals a little.  ‘Breakthrough’  is a good track, with banging drumbeats and a strange, but compelling energetic ‘bounce’.  ‘Fury UK’ is a combination of hard and soft rock, and the two styles mix well here – the last track, ‘The Lost Soul’, is very ambient, and demonstrates an ability to slow it down and still sound good without losing that rock edge.

What I would describe as a ‘down-to-earth’ rock album – not too fast, not too slow, nothing overdone.  Not quite the ‘fury’ it is described as, though, but the guitar work is truly exceptional.

I think this would be referred to as electronica, a 21^st century version of the Eighties synthesiser obsession, with punk and rock thrown in to add to the confusion.  The album begins well with ‘So Many People’ – an awesome, in-your-face, stomping track with some extreme, yet unique vocals.  ‘Drama Queen’ has energy, a domineering presence and lots of attitude – the basslines are consistently heavy, despite the track being quite mellow on the whole (‘Fearless’ springs to mind).  ‘I Will Always Be Your Fool’ goes from chilled and harmonious to screaming splendour in seconds – listening to this track alone is an experience.  Must-hear tracks include ‘Crazy Sheila’, (check out the guitar on this – reminded me of The Sweet….) ‘Boneheads’, (experience the ultimate in vocalist cocky arrogance) and ‘Until I Die’.

An interesting, and musically strong album – definitely something different from that considered normal.

Wow – where do I begin with such a superb album ?  The guitar work is classical in style, reminiscent of band like Motley Crue, Guns ‘n’ Roses and Iron Maiden.  The bass is deep and heavy, just the way I like it, rumbling from track to track with vibrating precision, accompanied by hard, fast, rolling drum beats.  Deep, grating roars change to vocals with clarity in a second, but maintain an overwhelming power at the same time, delivering hardcore lyrics with clout.  The start-stop guitar work on ‘Purity’ is pure genius, beginning with a slow, hesitant beat, then building to a climactic finale - this thrash induced trance continues with ‘Between the Lines’, and moves swiftly into the headbanging frenzy that is ‘Sick in the Mind’, my personal favourite.

‘Between the Lines’ is a mass of metal excellence and it will blow your fucking mind.

This album is parading as hip hop, but is basically a livelier version of rap, and not a good one, people.  If you put aside my pet hate of this type of music – the innate ramblings of disenchanted youth – this isn’t even good on a musical level.  The album is thrown together like a mumbled, meandering after thought, with some tracks sounding like they have been ‘ringed’ – two tracks ‘welded’ together in an attempt to try and make one good one – but a bit like it would be if you welded a Mini to a Humvee. 

Avoid like the plague unless suddenly gripped by a wave of insanity.

Before you scramble to a search engine, YES – this really is a solo album by Eighties punk legend, Siouxsie Sioux, formerly of Siouxsie and the Banshees and the Creatures.  And YES – it’s fucking good, although not quite what I expected.

‘Mantaray’ is theatrical, yet pop orientated.  The first thing that struck me was that Siouxsie seems to have lost that raw edge from her voice – less grating, more clarity – but her style still has the chilling presence that made her iconic.  The album does go a bit Shirley Bassey around the middle, and really is a tad more commercial than maybe her reputation gives her credit for, but the freaky twists are still there – tribal drumbeats, and even the Eighties favourite, the synthesiser, all put in an appearance.  I can’t really tell you much about the lyrics, because I found them a little immaterial – I was too busy listening to that astounding voice, with unbelievable range and a tone that shifts constantly without faltering a millimetre.

A very interesting experience after all these years – she hasn’t lost it at all, and remains one of the most incredible female singers of all time.

‘Mercury’ is probably the most eclectic album you will ever hear – psychedelic, Hendrix style guitar work with a punk overtone.  And that’s just for starters.  

The album is a bit of everything, and I mean that quite literally – there are a couple of tracks that are sing-a-long-ee, the guitar work can vary from ripping to very blues orientated, and the drums seem to clash and crash through every track, regardless of style, rhythm or speed. 

Rarely do I listen to an album that has a combination of so many different influences – one track can have a crazy, acid-taking edge, but then the next will slip into a slow, deep, stoner lull.   ‘Mercury’ is bouncy, hardcore, mellow, headbanging, fast, slow, screamy AND foot tapping – a feat accomplished by very few, and one I think they pulled off quite well.

Ten tracks (with the exception of the slow, rather out of place ‘Solitude’, an instrumental) of hardcore screaming and blinding drums make this an album worth checking out for all you thrash fans.  The quality of thrash and metal out there at the moment is rare and exceptional, and whilst Boltdown face some serious competition, ‘Omnicide’ certainly helps them pound and grind their way up the ladder.  Slipknot-style drumbeats, some dirty bass and domineering vocals will shake more than a few brain cells loose, whilst still making the experience a pleasurable, but twisted one.

This is great – a mixture of blues and stoner rock that isn’t too fast or too hard, but mellow and quite chilled.  The album is relatively slow to start, but the pace soon accelerates to a staggering amble – the vocals are rough and gravely, delivering lyrics that are a tad anarchic with a laid back, matter of fact style.

‘Little Animals’ can be perceived as a little dark – it seems the band made a conscious choice to stick to the low notes, and variable drums with lots of clashing cymbals works well here.  I found the guitar work consistently good, with Hendrix-like solos, making this a very well rounded offering from The Beasts of Bourbon.  The cherry on the cake has to be the last track, ‘Thanks’, where the band thank people for all the drugs, alcohol and various experiences they have had.  Superb.

Overall, this album is quite bizarre – it begins with a soothing piece of piano music, and then proceeds rapidly to kick arse, violently and with extreme force.  Track titles and a pretty cover give a false impression that you are getting a bit of a namby-pamby effort, but this album is pure thrash – heavy bass lines, pounding drums and incessant screaming throughout make this a winner with me.  The bass guitar on this is something to behold, and the odd slow bit just serves to twist the brain further.

Sixteen tracks of unadulterated hardcore thrash – should make the next dinner party go with a bang……..

A superb example of all that is good about thrash metal – fast paced, hard and heavy drums and some deep rumbling roars.

‘This Violent Reality’ is a collection of 12 hard-hitting thrash tracks, delivered with harsh, raw vocals, supersonic speed drums and some seriously impressive guitar work.  The album title reflects all that is good about this – the violent reality is that power, an adrenaline fuelled sense of urgency and more than a smidgen of attitude makes this offering well worth a spot of brain damage or a couple of burst ear drums.

Cradle of Filth fans on go faster drugs will love this….

I expected a kind of Tim Burton weirdness to this album, given the artwork and the absence of a title, and it certainly began with a haunting prelude.  ‘Starting Over’ than began a barrage of vintage Korn, with the distinctive drumbeat, Devil’s bass and the gothic, roaring vocals of Jonathan Davis.  This album is dark, hard hitting and doesn’t falter once, sticking to its path of musical dominance and ear drum destruction until the last chord has whistled from your speakers.

Well worth parting with hard earned dosh for.

Here is an indicator of how I feel about this album, I was intending to write a track by track critique of it but after my initial listen through I thought “Do you know what FUCK THAT!”

So in the end I have decided to do an overall assessment of the Dragons skill and talent and here goes – 80’s elecro Shite!

The first track particularly really reminded me of Gary Newman and that surely can’t be a good thing on so many levels.  Believe me if the comparisons stopped there it wouldn’t be so bad but the album moves on.

This band just sound like another Killers / Editors wannabe, unfortunately they fall somewhat short of the mark the album goes from very odd reverb and an echo mic’ which unfortunately doesn’t make the uninspiring lyrics anymore inspiring the only positive is that it masks slightly what they are drivelling on about!

In places I think the band ran out of ideas and just recorded somebody’s dad playing on their old Casio keyboard it really does sound that cheesy!

Don’t get me wrong the Dragons are a saleable commercial commodity but as music for what music should be it is just dreadful uninspired bollocks!

In summary Dark, moody and depressing!

Every time the Beastie Boys bring out a new album I as a bit of an “old skool” die hard Beastie Boys fan, oh yeah VW badges bad hair cut and an attitude to match! I find myself approaching the CD tray with great caution.  The dilemma for me is are they going to impress me with this album like they did that first time I heard them all those years ago and the answer is invariably no they cant.

So imagine my surprise when I found that when I hit play I was wasn’t tutting and reaching for the skip button.  Now understand where I am coming from here there are reasons that I was impressed by this album.   The main one being it sounds Fuck all like the Beastie Boys!

The reason it sounds nothing like the Beastie boys is that it is an entirely instrumental album but not only that it is fairly funky and well chilled out.  In fact I listened to it twice in succession and it made me smile the whole time.

The reason I listened twice?  Because I discovered half way through the first listen that you can chat your own lyrics over a Beastie Boys instrumental and that is like some sort of childhood fantasy come true.  Seriously hours of fun making up absolute bollocks and making it sound like it was meant to go with the track.

If you can forget that it is the Beastie Boys and you like kind of chilled out background music this is for you or if you are a sad twat like me amuse yourself for hours on end with it!!!

For a start off what an absolutely crappy excuse for an album title what’s all that about?  Am I missing something or does that actually not mean anything!  What were the circumstances that they came up with that?  Sat around in a recording studio:  “so what are we going to call this album that we have worked are arses off making?”

“don’t know man pass me that spliff”………………”I’ve got it how clever is this - it won’t be soon before long.”

“Wow that’s genius because like it means that urm, what does it mean”

“Don’t know but it makes us sound intelligent and that don’t you think?”

“Oh aye fucking proper brainy “

Anyway rant over! (Sorry)  I don’t even know where to start.  Actually I do I will start with a quote from my 3 year old lad who walked in as I was listening to this album preparing to review it.

“I don’t like this music Daddy it’s for girls”.

A short slightly simplistic review of Maroon 5’s latest offering but none the less a stunningly fucking accurate one!

It is for girls but be warned all you hairy arsed testosterone filled Geezers out there more than a ten second listen of this cheerful, catchy hairdresser music and I swear to you that you will be singing along with it like you are camper than a row of pink chiffon tents!  That is the poison that is Maroon 5.

Same old same old from Maroon 5

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha – this was fucking brilliant!  Take four blokes from Lancashire, with a couple of guitars and a twisted sense of humour and you have a working class view of life ‘up North’.  A bit like crossing the Wurzels with the Macc Ladds, but with a little less ‘oo-ar’, a little less smut and a lot more use of ‘e’ and ‘i’. 

‘Never Mind The Hotpots’ is a set of down to earth, working class anthems – the accents are fantastic, and deliver the laugh a minute vocals with slapstick humour.  Every aspect of working life is prodded, from ebay and my space to Coventry and sat navs, although my personal favourite has to be ‘He’s Turned Emo’ – superb……

Simple, yet hilarious – and could someone please email me and tell me what a man bag is ?.........

The Films have quite an infectious, energetic sound, mixing fast and slow paced instruments with drawling vocals that can suck you in, taking you completely by surprise.  Commercial overtones failed to drown out the excellent guitar work, and the punkesque delivery of 12 interesting tracks.

‘Don’t Dance Rattlesnake’ is a clever combination of different sounds, designed to appeal, I suspect, to a wider audience – some karaoke, some dance, some mellow and some hard hitting and loud.

Variety is the spice of life, as they say.

About 30 years too late, with synthesisers, disco beats and some dire fucking lyrics.  There are more sound effects on here than there were in ‘Attack of the Clones’, and the annoying electronic vocal echo will have you frizbeeing this out of the window and down the road.

Chronically BAD, unless you love Kool and the Gang.

York band RSJ have produced an exceptional album – 16 tracks of outstanding, brutal, hardcore thrash metal.  ‘Gain To Nothing’ is a screamfest, with pounding drums, and the darkest, yet most creative use of a bass guitar that I have probably heard to date.  Vocals are evil and twisted – roars are delivered with demonic precision, cutting through your speakers like razor wire with all the force of a twenty ton truck.  Even the’ mellower’ parts of the album kicked arse (it does get a little strange towards the end) – this was truly superb, and my ears are still ringing days later…..

A most intense experience – my utmost respect to the drummer, who plays like my favourite drummer, Joey Jordison - with power and force.  Very impressive.

  Not for people with nervous dispositions or heart conditions, but the rest of you have no fucking excuse – buy now and play loud.

I’m not sure what to say about this.  I am not really a huge QOTSA fan, having only liked a few of the tracks released by them, and ‘Era Vulgaris’ is not exactly what I expected.  I can tell you that guitar fans will appreciate the exceptional work produced here.  Several things that I did like about the album were the unusual hooks, deep bass lines and a never ending stream of vocally diverse lyrics.  A mellow album with sporadic ‘dark’ episodes, but well put together and delivered with ease, energy and precision.

‘Era Vulgaris’ can be likened to taking a journey through a disturbed mind.

R’n’B + classic rock + gospel = The Answer. 

This is a special edition ‘Rise’ re-release, plus an extra CD, ‘Rise II’ – a total of 26 amazing tracks.  ‘Rise II’ includes 5 new tracks, plus a selection of live tracks, so this is a must for a serious fan of the band. 

I am a fan of The Answer – classic rock with an Irish twist.  I knew I would like this collection, but I under estimated just how impressed I would be.  There is definitely a ‘gospel’ overtone to both albums – the choruses are powerful, with exceptional guitars and some truly explosive vocals you have no choice but to join in with.  A sixties psychedelic edge gives all 26 tracks energy, but more importantly, soul – a lot of the emo shit that is spewed out these days is totally devoid of soul, yet The Answer achieve this effortlessly. 

‘Rise’ and ‘Rise II’ are both air guitar lovers albums, and should dominate the classic rock genre – both are superb in their respective entireties, as well as spiritually moving, and both uplifting and chilling at the same time.

Chris Cornell has a phenomenal voice, but shamefully chooses to pimp it on half-baked crap (the majority of this album) when he is capable of so much more.  I wasn’t keen on Soundgarden for the same reason, but in stark contrast, Audioslave was a different story entirely - anyone that can produce a track like ‘Cochese’ vocally is totally wasted on stuff like this, which, to me, is a crying fucking shame. 

Musically, ‘Carry On’ is faultless (apart from the monumentally bad cover of Michael Jackson’s ‘Billy Jean’), but I know Cornell can deliver arse-ripping rock with ease, and although it is painfully obvious that this is not the direction he wants to go in, it is undeniably what he does best.

Definitely an album for Soundgarden fans, but those of us who preferred Audioslave will be horribly disappointed.

The Canadian quartet have managed to produce an album that has quite a classic feel, yet, as black is to white, the thrash rock style creeps in to give a contrast that adds to the excellence of ‘Hello Master’.  The vocals are equally unusual, with that raw Canadian accent slipping out on occasion. 

The guitar work is dark, heavy, flawless, and quite frankly, superb, very reminiscent of many of the greats in both composition and delivery of chords – a little Hendrix, a shot of Brian May and a splash of Slash.  Nice.  This marriage of vocals and guitar, coupled with drums as best man, and more guitar instead of bridesmaids makes this a union forged in heaven (or hell, depending on how you look at it). 

‘Hello Master’ is an excellent album that would appeal to most rock fans, regardless of their preferred style – a precise, calculated fusion of man different rock influences, produced and delivered with power and energy, whilst expertly avoiding the ‘samey’ label.

Excellent, and highly recommended. 

Very slow, with a tendency to ramble in places.  Forty minutes and 23 seconds of what can only be described as a ‘snorefest’ – very mellow with absolutely no life whatsoever.  Basically, it can be considered as an album made for the insomniac – if this doesn’t send you to sleep, nothing will.  What is wrong with music these days?  Not only are albums incredibly short, but also unbelievably slow and tediously boring.

What is the music scene coming to?

And here we go again.  If this album got any slower, it would stop.  Dead.  ‘The Bird and the Bee’ is a slow, methodical album with high pitched, yet soft vocals, wishy washy guitars and some half baked drums.

Another album for those who can’t sleep ……

Thrash punk at its best, and from Stoke, too.  More of a shock than a surprise, that.

This is a collection of 6 raw, thrash punk, no holds barred, ripping music.  Everything is fast, and everything roars.  My compliments to the band – loud and heavy isn’t ‘in’ at the moment, so this is like an early Christmas present amongst a sea of mainstream crap.

Superb.

I hated the single they released, so this was an interesting experience for me.  The album is described as ‘psychotic sounds for freaks and weirdos’.  And this is an extremely accurate description.  Fair play – deviation from the norm is certainly the order of the day, but this may be considered to be a little too fucked up in places.

Shouting, screaming, wailing, roaring – a bit like a modern day Sex Pistols, with slightly more ‘music’, or an English version of Rammstein.  There are all sorts in here – some 60’s beats, fairground organs, and the album is very punk, whilst very rock at the same time.  The vocals vary tremendously, whilst retaining a dark, gothic sound, enhanced in places with sounds effects and different weird noises. 

This is raw, don’t-give-a-fuck music, and although you need to posses a certain disposition to cope with what the Horrors throw at you, it made a change.  There is absolutely nothing mainstream, emo, predictable or even normal about this album, and I can guarantee it may just be the most unusual musical experience you will ever have.

Bizarre.

This album comes in a lovely slip cover, with a plain but noticeable design.  The album itself is held inside a small, square hardback book, with lots of glossy pictures – it even comes with a Television disc, so you can watch the band whilst listening to them.  Very nicely packaged and presented.

HOWEVER, this did not make me like ‘Your Truly, Angry Mob’ any more than the band bribing me with last years earnings would.  It was still 13 tracks of high pitched, monotonous codswallop, with ample lashings of mainstream bullshit – and that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Well, I don’t know about pilots – maybe space cadets would have been a tad more appropriate here.  I did have to smile, though – it took me back to the era of OMD and Gary Numan, with oodles of synthesiser, and some very impressive vocals, which alternated between male and female across the album.  There are both powerful tracks, and those which can be considered ballads here, and what I found added to the enjoyment were the nonsense lyrics and totally unnecessary, but very fitting, sound effects.  This all seems to add to the tongue in cheek overtone of ‘We Are Pilots’ – very eighties, with lots of harmony, and echoing for absolutely no reason at all, just a random addition for the hell of it. 

I enjoyed this – it made me smile.  Probably because it wasn’t another MCR or Kaiser Chiefs ‘clone’ album, but something very different from the ‘norm’.

30 Seconds To Mars are certainly making an impact on the music scene of late, and I think the bands slant on ‘rock’ music is unusual, and a little slow, but strangely refreshing.  The vocals are very similar in delivery and tone to the Lost Prophets, but with marginally more roaring, which always gets my vote.  The frequent transition from raw to melodic is superb, and although each track differs in both speed and style, the whole album is flawless in continuity and flow.

‘Saviour’ is a recommended track.

I wasn’t keen on this – I found it very full of waffle, with way too much piano.  ‘Narcissus Road’ is a very emotional album, but it is hard to know exactly which emotion to attribute it to.  Tracks are slow and consistently long winded, but despite this, the album seems to be over before it has begun (which is probably a good thing).  The title track is probably the liveliest track on the album, but after that, everything else seems to disintegrate into a rather unpleasant, very snotty mess. 

At only just over 33 minutes long, I felt a bit ‘ripped’ from the start.  However, ‘Long Live The Ripps’ turned out to be quite impressive, despite its obvious ‘shortfalls’.  The album is a cross between pop punk, with a splash of ska beat.  Lyrics are delivered with raw clout, and that up and down guitar chord is quite appealing.  As with all ‘rebellious’ style albums, the lyrics have little meaning, but this is of little consequence for a fan of this type of music. 

‘Bad Influence’ is a must hear track.

Finally – a new coaster for my desk.  This album really isn’t anything exceptional – the wishy washy sound effects, the apparent half arsed effort, the monotonous, chanting, out of tune lyrics, and the same repetitive drum beats and guitar chords. 

If you like an album where everything sounds the same, and that sound is terrible, then this is the album for you – that’s probably why it will do well.

This is clearly a much more mature sound from nation’s favourites Fall Out Boy.  It feels like the band are trying to appeal to people over the age of 15 with this album by introducing different styles – a bit of jazz, a smidgen of r ‘n’ b, and even an attempt at some Corey Taylor style roaring, but still interjected with very typically FOB - style lyric delivery and backing music.  Don’t get me wrong – even though they continue to use ridiculously long track titles, and this is partially a very typical album for them, there are still some excellent tracks on here.  Most fans will buy it any way, but I fear that FOB have fallen prey to what I refer to as ‘Linkin Park Syndrome’ – the band have made an album that was so good, nothing they follow up it with could possibly beat it.

Right – I am going to start by telling you what you are NOT going to get with this album – no ridiculously long titles that have absolutely no relevance, no Jimi Hendrix style guitar solos, no fucking about changing styles half way through, and definitely no depressing, suicidal emo shit. 

What you are guaranteed to get is humour, sarcasm and fun from this, the 9^th album by Texan punk quartet Bowling For Soup.  It’s catchy, bouncy and rips just about everyone on Hollywood’s celebrity A-list – in fact, the band were so ‘impressed’ with Val Kilmer that he got his own track.  Even Tom Cruise gets poked – ‘Katy had a baby, so I guess Tom's straight’.  The lyrics are a laugh a minute – even when they try to get slushy and a little serious, it all goes pear shaped – listen to ‘Why Don’t I Miss You?’ and you’ll see what I mean…

Jaret and Co. have certainly done it again – in fact, it may be the best yet.  God bless Bowling For Soup – fun on eight legs, and number one contenders for February’s Album of the Month.

This is the seventh album, and second compilation album from punk band Alkaline Trio.  I was initially impressed to discover that this is what I refer to as a ‘proper’ album, with 22 tracks lasting just under 70 minutes, which is something of a rarity these days.  I also didn’t expect to like ‘Remains’ as much as I did – I have never been a huge fan of Alkaline Trio, feeling that calling them punk distorted the definition to a degree, but always had respect for their dark overtones, good musicianship and original lyrics.  The band’s twisted outlook on life, the universe and everything is a little deviant, to say the least, but everyone can relate to something Alkaline Trio have written a track about.  The fact that two members of the band are members of the Church of Satan also speaks volumes when addressing some of the influences behind their style of music.

‘Remains’ has quite a lively feel to it, with fast drums, and some excellent guitar work – the vocals are stunning, both in range and delivery.  ‘Metro’ and ‘Wait For The Blackout’ are recommended tracks, but the whole album is consistently good, with direction and flow, and finishes off on a high note with two bonus live tracks.

Most enjoyable – a recommended purchase.

This was terrible – I have never known styles change so much over one track, let alone over a whole album, as much as this did, and it isn’t good.

This album is a mix of hip hop, jazz and a few attempts at rock, and as far as the vocals are concerned, ‘wailing banshee’ springs to mind.  The drum work isn’t bad, but isn’t consistent either, with good guitar just as sporadic.  In fact, the whole album thrashes around aimlessly with no continuity – more ups and downs then whore’s draws.  The lyrics make no sense, and the track ‘Bridge to Canada’ is totally wrong – everything is out of tune, and the vocals sound like someone is being choked to death.  I think the vocals may be partially responsible for my distaste of this album – high pitched, off key screeching would give a deaf person a headache after a while.

The Noisettes need to get it together and decide on a direction, instead of winging it wildly.  This album was thrown together, with no thought and is clearly devoid of effort.